The purity of sexuality

The problem with the virgin/whore dichotomy is that is leaves no room for pure sexuality.

Pure sexuality seems like such an oxymoron in our weird, all-or-nothing sexual culture. (I am speaking from a Western, American perspective here). But I think it's a concept that needs to be reclaimed.

I believe the quality of your lovemaking is directly related to the quality of your relationship. So when you're in a loving, lasting, awesome, love-someone-quirks-and-all kind of relationship... the foundation for good sex is set.

And I mean the kind of sex that you compare to pizza: "Even bad pizza is good pizza."
(Pizza is my favorite food, go figure.)

I think that's why I get so mad when people try to laws in place that limit one's sexuality. For example... since I do not want to have children... or be pregnant, at all, and yet I am a sexual being... I am firmly pro-choice. I am a STRONG believer in birth control as well, but I think abortion needs to be an option that is available, especially in the small but viable chance that birth control fails.

By the logic of people who are against abortion, because I never want to be pregnant or give birth, I should remain celibate forever. And it makes me so mad - and sad - that someone would want to take this wonderful thing away from me.

It's true that many people don't make good choices when it comes to sexuality. But it comes back to when I was in middle school and the whole grade would be punished because of the perceived "bad" behavior of a few. I never thought that was fair, and I still don't.

Maybe pure sexuality isn't very common. I could be one of the lucky ones. But it's a worthwhile goal, don't you think? And I think it's hard to start heading in that direction when you start with the premise that sex needs to be limited to a certain gender, position, etc.

But now, when I write this, I am thinking that sex with limits *is* good. That's what "safewords" are for, right? I guess sex is healthier when you do have boundaries that you are willing to enforce. I guess I'm just not comfortable with somebody else setting those boundaries for me.

For many, abstinence is an excellent choice. It was an excellent choice for me for many years. But I think it needs to be an *individual* choice. Just like every other sexual decision.

Legacy to Humanity

I have been watching Dr. Who recently, and it's got me thinking about my legacy.

Since I plan to remain childfree, I haven't always given much thought to the children of tomorrow. I have always wanted my legacy to be more of an artistic one.

Lately, though, I think I've been trying too hard on the artistic front and losing sight of the bigger goal: a mutually beneficial relationship with the rest of humanity.

There was a child on Dr. Who who was given the charge of passing down a message to humanity in the future, whether through myth, story or religion. The ultimate goal is for us to coexist and help each other as much as we can, whether it's through raising a good person, writing a beautiful book, or helping someone today in some small but significant way.

Take a breather

When the going gets tough, it's even more important to take care of yourself, not less. It's easy to justify letting something go, like going to the gym or making a somewhat healthy meal. It's even easier to justify letting yourself go emotionally, like not taking a sick hour or pushing yourself to the point of stress at work.
If I prepare myself for tough stuff that's going to happen by putting me first, I'll be able to be more there for myself and other people.
this article contains a gem that summarizes this nicely: "The moment to take a breather is at the exact moment you feel like you couldn’t possibly do that."

The End of It All

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we deal with our own mortality and the mortality of our loved ones.
I've focused more on the latter most of the time, because I never really thought about or feared my own death as much. This morning, I started thinking about it more.
I wondered what it would be like to not be. Or if my consciousness would be somewhere else, some other place where I'd be unable to communicate with the living.
Mostly, I thought about an episode of the television show "Scrubs" I saw recently, where an elderly patient who is checked into the hospital says she's ready to die. Her doctor, the main character J.D., finds this hard to believe and has her go over a list of things to do before you die. She's done most of them; he hasn't.
"What about you?" she asks him. "How many things have you done?"
She tells him to worry about himself, not her.
And she's right. I should be worrying less about the eventual demise of my loved ones and more about how I'm going to feel when that moment comes.
I envision myself hurtling toward death, but also thoughtfully savoring each moment. Not as if it were my last, but as if I were to run out of them. Because I will someday.
I want to feel as if I've spent my time wisely when I die. I want to be like Mrs. Tanner, and be ready for death when it comes.
Here's to living for today.

Codependency

One of my blog friends has pointed out some articles on codependency which I found enlightening.
As I understand it from these articles, codependency is a faulty relationship with yourself. It is searching for self-worth and happiness outside of yourself rather than inside.
That is what I think the Bible means when it says not to worship idols. Idols are that which can't grant happiness and self-worth, but which take the place of what legitimately can - God or Goddess within you.
I think the key to virtue and happiness is knowing that you are worthy because you, in a sense, are God, to merge love and virtue and the highest ideals with your view of yourself. To know that you are Good.
This doesn't mean every human being is perfect, but that we each have the spark in us and the potential to be and do good in the world.
If we see ourselves as worthy, we don't have such a hatred and self-sacrificial view towards others. We have a more balanced view of humanity, because we come from a place of loving concerning ourselves.
This is the page that I have found to be most helpful.
UPDATE: this is the original post which helps me so much. Thanks Glogrl.

Meditation

I've found that meditation helps me focus.
It's kind of a reverse psychology, really. I discipline my mind to let itself wander and not get stuck on any one thing. This allows me to move on from a thought when I need to, and at the same time relish the pleasant ones I have. I can fully digest each idea this way.
It's kind of combined with the idea of letting feelings pass, observing them without judging them. Negative feelings are more likely to flee this way, and positive ones can be savored without guilt.
I think I'll do this more often.

Why vs. How

I've started reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That The Poor and Middle Class Do Not! by Robert T. Kiyosaki with Sharon L. Lechter, C.P.A.
I've only made it to page 17. But I've already learned a valuable lesson.
The question to ask isn't "Why?," it's "How?"
I often ask "why" in an effort to get information to solve a problem. That's all well and good. But I shouldn't stop there.
So often I don't even ask "why"; I just take for granted that I can't change something.
Even if it ends up that I can't change something after all, I should be asking "how" I can change it anyway. As Kiyosaki's rich father says, asking "how" exercises your brain and makes it stronger. Your brain is better off for it. And most likely, you'll be able to find out a "how" you didn't think of before.