Sunday, February 13, 2011

The purity of sexuality

The problem with the virgin/whore dichotomy is that is leaves no room for pure sexuality.

Pure sexuality seems like such an oxymoron in our weird, all-or-nothing sexual culture. (I am speaking from a Western, American perspective here). But I think it's a concept that needs to be reclaimed.

I believe the quality of your lovemaking is directly related to the quality of your relationship. So when you're in a loving, lasting, awesome, love-someone-quirks-and-all kind of relationship... the foundation for good sex is set.

And I mean the kind of sex that you compare to pizza: "Even bad pizza is good pizza."
(Pizza is my favorite food, go figure.)

I think that's why I get so mad when people try to laws in place that limit one's sexuality. For example... since I do not want to have children... or be pregnant, at all, and yet I am a sexual being... I am firmly pro-choice. I am a STRONG believer in birth control as well, but I think abortion needs to be an option that is available, especially in the small but viable chance that birth control fails.

By the logic of people who are against abortion, because I never want to be pregnant or give birth, I should remain celibate forever. And it makes me so mad - and sad - that someone would want to take this wonderful thing away from me.

It's true that many people don't make good choices when it comes to sexuality. But it comes back to when I was in middle school and the whole grade would be punished because of the perceived "bad" behavior of a few. I never thought that was fair, and I still don't.

Maybe pure sexuality isn't very common. I could be one of the lucky ones. But it's a worthwhile goal, don't you think? And I think it's hard to start heading in that direction when you start with the premise that sex needs to be limited to a certain gender, position, etc.

But now, when I write this, I am thinking that sex with limits *is* good. That's what "safewords" are for, right? I guess sex is healthier when you do have boundaries that you are willing to enforce. I guess I'm just not comfortable with somebody else setting those boundaries for me.

For many, abstinence is an excellent choice. It was an excellent choice for me for many years. But I think it needs to be an *individual* choice. Just like every other sexual decision.

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